“You really hurt my feelings and that wasn’t right?!?” If someone said that to you, how would you feel and respond? Some people would shut down, some would defend themselves, some would toss back accusations.
What if we try this statement instead:”My feelings were hurt when you said that. You must have a reason. Would you be open to talking about it so we can work it out?”
Sometimes we feel hurt, angry, or some other uncomfortable emotion and in that state we blame another person for making us feel that way. But, our feelings and responses are our responsibility. It is also our responsibility to access our inner adult to take care of our emotions and to take the lead in our intentions when we want to share our feelings with others.
Blame and attack do not get anyone very far. It works as fuel to keep painful emotions burning. Sure, someone can be unkind, rude, or unaware. That doesn’t mean that you should blame or dump your feelings onto that person. Try the high road to navigate and reconcile. Change your mindset to learning mode. Hopefully the other person is willing to learn, too. You can’t control that, but it is possible that you both can grow rather than let negativity fester.
We’d love for you to give us some examples of blame/attack statements and turnarounds with the intention of learning and peace.